Monday, December 10, 2007

Why I Hate Christmas

My systematic jihad against Christmas time has become an annual sort of thing. So, this year, in an attempt to break up the monootny of my holiday disdain, I give to you the "List of Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Christmas." by Mondo Davis.

10. Crowds. Traffic, cashier lines, bumping shoulders with strangers while trying to pick out a movie. I hate crowds.

9. Ads. There are few things as degrading as sorting through 2-3 lbs of advertisements in my mail, as if all I'm worth and capable of is buying things.

8. Money. Christmas is one of the few times a year when I think to myself, "Mondo, you don't make enough money."

7. America. Christmas brings out the worst in Americans. Consumerism, greed, ugliness, etc., all reach their peaks.

6. Santa Claus. Over 96% of school kids can identify a picture of Santa, making him the most recognized individual in the world (light years ahead of The President, Pope or even Jesus,) and highlighting the greed that our children have encouraged within them.

5. Origins. Christian imperialism spawned the holiday in response to pagan winter holidays, just like the forced-conversion of the Native Americans, or the colonization of the Hawaiian Islands.

4. Political Correctness. Christmas always comes with asinine stories of the warriors of 'seperation of church and state.' We always hear of carols being banned from schools, nativity scenes and crosses being taken from public places, and the Christian Right lobbying to have control over everything and everyone. And don't get me started on Kwanzaa. 1966?

3. "Christians." Its either self-victimization from the Christian politicians or the hypocrisy and nominalism from Christmas-and-Easter Christians. Both are painfully unattractive to an unbelieving world.

2. Commercialization. Christmas is something sacred and holy, that is corrupted by profiteering and seeking financial gain. Sound familiar? And its nothing new. Cheapening of Christs birth was the topic of Harriet Beecher Stowe's 1850 book, 'The First Christmas in New Englad'.

And, the number one reason that I hate Christmas is...

1. Me. No matter how much I denounce it; no matter how hard I try to love my family with my words and actions instead of my wallet; no matter how much I believe that the world is fallen and I am not, I am as much a part of the problem as anyone. I am a consumer, through and through. I am that American demographic that spends three times as much during the Christmas season as during any other time of year. I have bought into the idea that how much I care about my family and friends is determined by how much I spend on them. I am America, I am Christianity. I am the problem.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

6. I'm glad that kids can't identify Jesus - because we don't know what he looked like. If they could point to an Aryan-looking dude with blue eyes and a beard and say "that's Jesus" i would be more worried.

I hate Christmas too, mostly for the last reason - and also I get all excited from watching 'Love Actually' and then suddenly it's Dec. 26 and I'm bored.