Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Odyssey pt. 4 (LA is on the Sunset)

We found out today that eating fish can cause cancer because of the radiation that nuclear weapons tests omit into the ocean. I love the Arab logic. This from "LA is on the Sunset" from April 10, 2005:

One failed engine
One strike of lightning
One disgruntled passenger
And it's over
You are over for me as I am for you
I'm sure that's not on your mind
On this busy Friday afternoon
But I can see the lightning forming the horizon
And in it I can see my death,
But on the other side of this machine
To my right, towards the ocean
That is where the tired sun sinks
Satisfied that it has lived to satisfy another day
Ambitious in its solitude
And like mankind, the sun lives on
Despite the cold monotony
For someone must supply the grain
That these pretzels that fill me up
Are made of
Lest I sleep empty
Or not sleep at all
And all these gay flight attendants
Would not get their look at me
But I am spoken for, straight as I am
Straight like the sun
That is hidden to the world below
But these clouds give way to our ascent
And I can see the sunset
That's how it looks from here, anyway
For it's rising somewhere else
It's shining light on Italy
On France and Belgium, too
It's raising up to greet the hunger
And the thirst
That only Europe can fill

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Sudo Reviewdo

I just got back from seeing X-Men: The Last Stand, and I have to say that I was rather impressed. All it really needed was a refrence to the "I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!" (google it) internet video that's been passed around. It had a good amount of action with a substantial amount of allusions to a sequel. And, I think I'm in love with Ellen Page.
However, I have to say one thing. I realized during the previews that every movie that comes out falls into one of three categories; 1. Movies that have already been made souped up with explosions and CG, 2. Movies from books or old cartoons, 3. Movies that suck ("Snakes on a Plane"). Just once do I want someone to write and produce a movie that is original and innovative. I'm sick of watching the same movies over and over again. I hate it when industry takes over any entertainment / art field. Movies are completely engulfed in it, it seems. We need another Alfred Hitchcock. But all we get is "Snakes on a Plane."
But really, Xmen made me happy, and kept me entertained. Make sure that you stay 'till after the credits are over, though. It's important.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Odyssey pt 3 (A Song to Die To)

Is it too early to post again? Oh well. Entitled "A Song to Die to" from Feb. 26, 2005:

Can you believe what we're seeing
I can see the earth in all its furry
I can see the sky in all her glory
For she cries and she cries, this broken sad sky
And the earth has to reap what she buries
The face on the children is haunting
Their smiles remind me that they change
But smiling is just an emotion
So they sing a sad song, as more sing along
And they'll sing it 'till their dying days

For this life was once something special
And now it is more special still
There's a hope that love will deliver
But the more I assume
The more that I lose
So I guess that my love left with you

Downloading wasted my childhood
I waited for years at a time
And the backlogs piled like a sand dune
But now the buttons have died, despite how we tried
And I've forgotten all that was mine
But the TV fed us our supper
And the movies fought us our war
Perhaps the beauty just isn't in seeing
Its the guns and the cars, the women in bars
And grace for half price in the stores

We look for second chance stories
Thinking that it could be my fate
But with chances so long in the making
That the chances that come, rise up like the sun
And I'm already dead from the wait
I'm sure that life isn't the answer
I'm sure that I'm facing the door
I'm sure that my struggle is over
Like the money and fame, and the broken last name
For this new life was well worth her war

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ready for a vent

We got our grades back today for our 14th Unit test that we took yesterday, mixed emotions accompanied them. First thing to understand, they grade our tests on a curve, but not on a normal curve. No, this curve is an effing ridiculous curve. Let me elaborate, the reading portion of the test consisted of 20 short answer questions. The total possible points were 74. I missed six points overall, giving me a 68/74. In any normal institution, I would have received my due 91% A-, and the appropriate 3.30 towards my GPA. But at this institution, with its crazy curve, I received a B-, 2.7 towards my GPA. Also, I missed 12 out of a total of 114 possible points on the transcription protion, procuring a 90%. I received a B- for that, also. Now, normally I don't stress out about my grades, I aim simply to finish the course and learn the language, nothing more. But everytime a test comes back, I am apalled at (1) the severity of the imposed grading scale, and the adminsitration that appoints it, and (2) the inability of the graders to understand English. We spend two hours on average, explaining to our instructors why the answers we wrote, and the answers the curriculum called for mean the EXACT same thing. Though, it is acually suprising that they go to so much trouble to deduct points when grading us, seeing as how the better we do, the more they get paid. That's right, the army uses monetary incentives to compel the teachers to teach well. The better our final grades are, the more our instructors get paid. It's funny how the promise of more money cause people (especially people from. . . nevermind) to apply shady business practices and quesitonable tactics. I won't list any specifics here, but trust me, it's appalling. Regardless, I probably walked away with better grades than before, all in all. And if this is the biggest complaint that I have, I guess I'm in pretty good shape. It's good to get it out though. Thanks for listening. Vote for Taylor Hicks.

Monday, May 22, 2006

The Odyssey part 2 (Mid April Brings)

Mid April Brings (April 16, 2005)
Set Me apart,
Oh broken my english,
heart of my heart and none else beside,
Trust me to say that,
I have spent wasting,
Most of my better days Watching suns rise,

I fall to my knees,
Full of implication,
I open my eyes but still I can't see,
Oh Summer and Winter,
So happy together,
And we are deprived of the colorful trees,

Morning cold sunrise
It's true it's amazing,
I'm ready for nothing and sure it will come,
I once was a lion,
The fear of my nation,
But now I'm a school boy just begging for love,

As my tired eyes,
Are losing their focus,
I'll stare at the moon till it sends me a sign,
Broken billet of progress,
Oh what now can save me,
I praise you, my savior In you I can die,

The worn, dirty laundry,
Is dwarfing my washer,
The food in my pantry is older than me,
Self-righteous and lazy,
I have found my fountain,
It looks like the Bible but smells like teevee

I listen intently,
But Satan prevails,
He fills my head full of more beautiful things,
Of women and dining,
In France and in London,
If he makes me a bird, then I'll die as I sing hallelujah

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Best of the Day

Here we go, the best quotes of the last 24 hours:

"Guess what, guess what! (pause) Uh, I eat soap." - Angelo Alcazar age 2

"I love little Mexican kids, every time I see one, I just want to put them in my bag and take them home" - Laura

"No, remember in the Navy you're NOT supposed to do crack" (collective enlightenment follows from the listening class) - CTI2 Cole

"So, yeah man. . . I'm engaged now" - Josh Soto

and a big congratulations to Josh and Erika.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Odyssey pt. 1 (a thousand sad mornings)

I've decided to post a chronological series of things that I have written down. More investigatory than expressive, and more self-indulgent than anything else. It's a crazy perspective, to consider who I was when I wrote some of these. Credit Matt Webel for the idea. I'm calling it the Odyssey. Here's part 1. It's from "A Thousand Sad Mornings," that I wrote from September to December 2004.

What should I do with all of this extra time
I’ll write and sing and be sad
Though it’s only for the sake of being sad
Sad, I definitely am
The sun is trying
So damn hard
To come up over the hills
The fruit stand’s out of fruit
The hash browns have no grease
The milk and cereal hit the ground
As they’re lost in the fog
Welcome to this blue, blue morning
Blue like it used to be
Before these kids had their way
Before the radio was too loud
Our parents called it trash
But we called it gold
The golden age of reason and emotion
When people said what they believed
When we could be offended

But what a sad compromise
And what a thing to say
It’s okay if you hate me if you think its okay
The times have changed on me again
And I’m lost in my love and my hatred
You always had the answers, then
But I know what a thousand sad mornings can do
If I had one more chance
I would say that I love you, I love only you
It’s almost time to call this game
And offer my forfeit
And come on my knees, empty handed
To find that you have gone

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Rebuttal, "Ya'll Read Too Much"

I need to clarify something. After receiving numerous "Cheer Up" messages and e-mails, I think that my last post was grossly misunderstood. I did not mean to say that I feel depressed or unwanted. I know for a fact that there are many people that love and care about me. I praise the Lord for the love that I have in my life, from my friends and my family. I thank all of you that show me that, and i do not mean to dismiss the impact that all of your love and friendships have on me. Not at all. The point that I wanted to make was that all of this love does not fulfill me. And, I don't believe that it has the capacity to, nor do I think that it should. So, when I said that I don't feel satisfied, it's not on account of the lack of relationships or demand in my life, it's a result of the un-satisfying nature of the love of mankind. That is the source along with the fact that I try to find fulfillment in these relationships, and regardless of how genuine they are, they will always let us down. So please don't misunderstand what I mean when I say that i'm not satisfied. And I do thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the love that you show me. It means so much to me.http://wuarchive.wustl.edu/pub/aminet/pix/astro/oops.jpg

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

To Be Still

My computer is full of old poems, from a time when I was in love. A feeling that I haven't felt since before my 20th birthday. A feeling that I miss, which comes with the realization that I don't feel passionate anymore. I can remember a time when I was extremely passionate; for the Lord, for girls, for anything. I feel its been drained out of me slowly.
There was a time when I could use words to express what I felt, what I expirenced. But now, after a year of dull prose, I can't help wondering what happened. The passion is gone.
I've begun to read Neruda again. He used to inspire me with his mastery of metaphors and his chillean dialouge. I've also begun to revert to these old poems that are everywhere. In reality, I feel like I'm just grabbing at whatever I can find. The problem is deeper than that, though. It's in my outlook, my own failure and short-coming. I want to be needed, and I am needed, but I'm full with the dissatisfaction of un-fulfillment. I'm sick of working so hard for my salvation when Grace doesn't make me feel satisfied. Not to say that it isn't satisfying, but I think that my own failure takes away from it. I know it does. Whatever this satisfaction is, it's been ellusive thus far. Consider this, from April 2, 2005:

I wish that you were here with me
Song of my soul, heart of my heart
I wish that I am not alive
When you are not with me
I am the tree, and you are the ground
You are the dirt and the sun and the rain
You are the roots and the birds
And the children that play beneath me
I need you to be near me,
I need for you to always be with me
Oh bright summer night
Oh sweet summer day
You are the snowfall you are the rain
I here, now, I am the earth
Just waiting for your shower
Just waiting for your salvation
For when I am Lost, you find me
When I am hungry, you feed me
And I am forever satisfied after

Saturday, May 13, 2006

"Who cares about the Padres?"

Slow day. It started early, 6:30 when I had to get up for the first half of a ten hour course on how to be a petty officer. Apart from the time that it took, the course wasn't so bad. Granted, it was full of self-empowerment new age bull sh*t, but I think that I was able to get past that. It is always interesting that when the topic of suicide is brought up in a class room setting, the instructor always seems to make it into a joke. If I might quote Michael Scott, "there are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians; JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. 'I need to see this play like a need a hole in the head.' " I would add suicide to that off-limits list. But that's just me. After that was over, I took a nap, naturally, then went down to Taco Bell. The song "That's the way it is" by Celine Dion was on the radio in the Bell. "Love comes to those who believe it, And that's the way it is." What does that mean?
This week has been okay, I went to San Diego over last weekend to visit the 'rents. It was a sweet time. I think that I want to live there someday, after the rat-race, when I can enjoy it. It was good to spend time with my parents, and to remember again how awesome they are and how blessed I am. BTW, happy Mother's Day, Mom.
My Garage band hasn't been working. It won't start up. It's ironic that I haven't wanted to record anything for months, and the week that I pop out three quality songs, I can't record them. KHarra B'el Haia as the Iraqis say.
I'm playing another show at a local coffee shop on the 3rd of July. (Rollick's, at the corner of Fremont and Cyn Del Rey). It should be sweet, and it will be my first one since December. I hope I still remember how to play.
So another week ahead of me. Two more months, 4 more years, then who knows. I look forward to it.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

My first song in three months

Early Warning signs, amidst foreign accusations
I do not recognize this second-hand salvation
I was a lion once, all confidence and danger
But I avoid these foreign language-speaking strangers now

On these days, my savior stays away
I'm dismayed, at least I have been made
I can change, I swear that I can change
But the world keeps spinning on its way
I'm dizzy now

High School football stars, and student body saviors
They all graduate to pursue presumed behaviors
As I hang my head, to this judgemental glaring
I don't understand, this person I'm declaring now

I can change, I swear that I can change
But the world keeps spinning on its way