Thursday, April 28, 2011

seasons of exhale.


so, it's finals week.

I'm going to establish something, from the get-go. This post will have no relevant conclusion. Although so many things in my life are coming to a close, this really isn't a season of conclusion for me. Finals week brings with it a certain finality, pun intended, with certain and definite points of conclusion. I am taking a class, seeing the same people every week, participating in something very specific for four months. Next week, none of those things will be true. Things are ending.

but, still more things are beginning. since I've moved to Atlanta, there have been so many cycles of ending and beginning and ending and beginning. recently, i've found myself moving forward, away from certain endings, and finding new life and identity that was there all along. i've begun to notice that I am in a place where I am free to be myself, free to pursue the things that I am created to pursue. I've found myself surrounded by creative people who sit around and share in each other's art. I've found myself staying out late, sharing in life with people that are slowly becoming friends. there's a wealth of beautiful, genuine and creative people in Atlanta, and I've begun to find them: people that don't see me with conclusions already drawn, but see me as intriguing, see me as worth digging into a little bit and seeing what goes on underneath my surface. And it's an entirely reciprocative thing also. I've been enlivened in some small way through my consistent interacting with these beautiful people. I'm fascinated by the minds that create what they create. I'm in love with their sense of wonder and adventure. Many of these people don't love Jesus at all, but they're honest about it, and they strive to figure out truth and not settle for the things that they cannot reconcile. Most of these relationships are in very preliminary stages, but they're already giving me access to life and to myself and to a better understanding of how God loves and ministers and creates. I see more and more of who I am when I see more and more who God is. He is a sneaky sort of lover, one that never puts any conditions on His love for us. He holds us tightly no matter how aggressively we ignore him. These people that are rejecting the message of the Word and the Church, but are actively and aggressively pursuing to know truth are so much closer to God than I've been for most of my lukewarm life. It's a remarkable contradicting sort of thing. But it's beautiful. This place, these people, and even I am and are beautiful because He is beautiful; because He calls us Beautiful. And that is always a beginning.

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